


Daverella

by squishy_dean



Category: Kids in the Hall
Genre: Cinderella - Freeform, Drag, Multi, crossover?, joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2020-03-09 14:51:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18919234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squishy_dean/pseuds/squishy_dean
Summary: Welcome to the Kids in the Hall interpretation of Cinderella, aka "Daverella". Written in the style of a bad screenplay, this 20 something page monstrosity started out as a joke and went too far because I had too much time on my hands. There are a lot of creepy asterisks in there so, you have been warned. Enjoy｡･:*:･ﾟ☆





	Daverella

**Author's Note:**

> Cast~  
> Cinderella: Dave Foley  
> Evil Stepmother: Mark McKinney  
> Drizella: Kevin McDonald  
> Anastasia: Bruce McCulloch  
> Fairy Godmother: Scott Thompson  
> Prince Charming: Kevin McDonald  
> Mice: All of them  
> Evil cat: Mark McKinney

Narrator (Mark doing a voice): Once upon a time; in a faraway land, just outside a magical kingdom, lived a beautiful girl named Cinderella…

Cinderella: *sitting on her bed in the attic, brushing her hair*

Narrator: And Cinderella was beautiful. Alas, she was kept in the attic away from the world; for her evil stepmother and stepsisters were jealous of her beauty.

Cinderella: *looks in the mirror admiring her reflection* *is startled by the door opening* *sets down the mirror and dramatically turns around* 

Narrator: Following her father’s death when she was too young to remember, the stepmother and stepsisters proceeded to make Cinderella their servant girl; banishing her to a world of solitude in the attic, with only the mice to keep her company. 

Stepmother: Cinderella! I thought I told you to sweep the parlor.

Cinderella: But Stepmother, I did!

Stepmother: *raises her hand to bitchslap* You dare lie to me? *slowly brings hand down to side*

Cinderella: Honest, Stepmother. I would never lie to you. I just swept the parlor but 10 minutes ago. 

Stepmother: Stupid girl! Go sweep it again! *leaves the room and slams the door*

Cinderella: *looks into the distance and sighs*

Mouse (Scott): Cinderelly! Cinderelly!

Cinderella: Desmond! 

Mouse: Cinderelly, it was Drizella who dirtied the parlor after you swept it! Anastasia put her up to it. She thought it would be funny to pour a bag of sand on the floor.

Cinderella: Where did she get a bag of sand? 

Mouse: Hell if I know. But you better go clean it up unless you wanna face Stepmother’s wrath.

Cinderella: I’m so tired of cleaning up after them… Well I- I’m gonna go give them a piece of my mind! 

Mouse: I dunno if you should do that. But, I guess, I won’t stop you. [This might even be kinda entertaining. I think I’ll go watch.]

Cinderella: But first, I’ll go sweep the damn parlor. 

Drizella: *humming, staring in the mirror, putting on makeup badly* 

Cinderella: Drizella?

Drizella: *startled* Hm?!

Cinderella: I… wanted to talk with you about something.

Drizella: *feels cornered* *backs away* Well I don’t want to talk to you! At least, not without my dear sister- ANASTASIA! 

Anastasia: *runs in from the bathroom* *in a towel* *hair curlers* *no makeup* *looks like a man...because she is really Bruce* What? What is it?! Oh it’s just her. 

Drizella: *puts her arm around Anastasia who is annoyed* You see, no secrets are kept between us sisters. Whatever you want to tell me, you can tell Anastasia too. 

Cinderella: Well that works out very nicely, actually. You see, I was wondering… Why do you get a kick out of being so cruel to me? You dirty what I clean, then blame me for things I don’t do. I plead with you, may we let all this nonsense go and start new? We don’t have to be sisters, but, can we at least be friends? *smiles sweetly*

Drizella: *eyes wide* *looks very uncomfortable*

Anastasia: *giggling* But... you’re just the servant girl. 

Cinderella: But I-

Drizella: *pushes her repeatedly* Out! Out! OUT! This is not your room! *slams door* YOU’LL SOIL IT! SOIL IT! 

Anastasia: *quietly speaks to Drizella* I don’t know why you’re so scared of her.

Drizella: I’m not scared of her! 

Cinderella: *sighs and walks away*

Stepmother: *approaches the stepsisters’ door excitedly*

Cinderella: *hides behind a pillar because it’s a bigass mansion with pillars an’ shit*

Stepmother: Girls! Girls! I have exciting news! 

Drizella & Anastasia: What is it, Mother?

Stepmother: A ball is being held at the castle..and I’ve just gotten word that we’re invited!

Drizella & Anastasia: *run out of the room*

Stepmother: Look! Look! Here is the grand invitation! 

Anastasia: Oh look! The ink is gold!

Drizella: How couture!

Invitation: To celebrate the arrival of Sir Prince Rupert Charming of Nashville, we invite all the fair maidens of the land to come dance at our Royal Ball this coming Tuesday evening; in hopes that Prince Charming may find a maid he can call wife.  
Cheers :p 

Drizella: What a poorly written card…

Anastasia: Who cares? We’re invited to a fucking ball! Weee~

Drizella: Yeah! The fucking ball!! *cheering* They must really like us!

Stepmother: Shut up, you girls. Every girl in town has been invited… Anyway, more importantly, the ball is being held so Prince Charming may seek out a wife. I want one of my daughters returning home a princess!

Anastasia: Oh, I’d love to be a princess…

Drizella: Well too bad! The prince is mine!

Anastasia: Says who??

*Anastasia & Drizella proceed to get into a physical fight*

Drizella: YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS ‘CAUSE I’M PRETTIER THAN YOU! *runs away crying*

Stepmother: *mumbles* Damn kids.

Cinderella: *shifts, creating a noise*

Stepmother: What was that? … Who’s there?

Cinderella: *fear in her eyes* *runs swiftly and silently up to her attic room* *collapses on her bed* *love in her eyes* Oh, a ball! 

Mouse 2 (Bruce, voice of “Gavin”): *approaches holding a cracker*

Cinderella: Can you just imagine? *hugs her blankets close and rolls around*

Mouse 2: *stares* *eats* Yeah that sounds real nice.

Cinderella: And did you hear? The prince will be there!

Mouse 2: A prince, eh? *eats more cracker*

Cinderella: Oh yes~ How dreamy…

Mouse 2: So when is it? When are ya goin?

Cinderella: Tuesday at sunset~ Oh my, I need a dress for the occasion!

Mouse 2: Well you better get on that soon; that’s tomorrow! Maybe I could get you some help. Hold on, will ya? *scampers off into a hole in the wall* *voice can be heard in the distance* Hey, fellas, Cinderelly needs help making a dress. You busy?

within the wall: *rusting* *voices talking over each other* *rustling becomes louder* *RUSTLING BECOMES THUNDEROUS* *A SHIT TON OF MICE WITH SEWING EQUIPMENT BREAK THROUGH THE WALL* *LIKE NOW THERE’S A BIGASS HOLE IN THE WALL WHO’S GONNA FIX THAT?* *GOODNESS ME*

Mouse 3 (Scott with a beautiful pink bow)(Old lady voice): Why, Cinderella! My sewing troupe and I would just love to make your dress! 

Mice 4 & 5 on either side of Mouse 3 (Mark with a purple bow & Dave with a blue bow tie): *nod and smile*

Cinderella: Oh, thank you! I really appreciate it; you all are such lovely little mice!

Mouse 3: *blushes* Oh enough of that. Let’s get to work! 

Cinderella: *starts singing*

*so many mice* *everywhere* *diseases coat the vicinity* *but ooooh look at that pretty dress* 

Mouse 3: I think we’ve outdone ourselves, eh, girls?

Mouse 5: Girls??

Mouse 3: Oh, pardon me, Vincent! 

Vince: *adjusts bowtie* Men can sew too, y’know… *hmph*

Narrator: The dress was brilliant: A champagne pink with intricate gold trim; fit for a princess.

Cinderella: *catches her breath* *puts on dress* Oh, it’s beautiful… It really is. And it fits me perfectly! You guys really have outdone yourselves… How can I thank you?

Mouse 3: Oh no need to, Cinderella! Think of this as us, repaying you.

Mouse 4: Yeah, for all those delicious snacks you sneak us.

Vince: And for encouraging me to follow my dream to become a fashion designer. *tooth gap smile*

Cinderella: *tilts head and smiles thoughtfully* 

THE NEXT MORNING: 

Drizella: AAAAH! IT’S THE DAY OF THE BALL! IT’S THE DAY OF THE BALL!

Anastasia: WILL YOU SHUSH?? 

Stepmother: Girls! No one is going to the ball until you’ve had your singing practice! And where is your godforsaken stepsister… CINDERELLA!!!

Cinderella: Oh no! I slept in! *rushes to get dressed* *admires dress before running downstairs* Yes, Stepmother?

Stepmother: Fetch the scrub brush, then fill the bucket with water and soap. You need to clean the foyer. It’s full of crusted mud. 

Cinderella: Perhaps those with muddy shoes should take them off outside before walking all over the clean floors then?

Stepmother: Don’t you dare sass me, stupid girl! Just get it clean! *swiftly walks away*

Inside the music room:  
Stepmother: Alright girls, begin!

Drizella & Anastasia: *deep breath* *singing sounds like 14 downpitched babies crying at the same time*

Cinderella: *sets down heavy water-filled bucket* 

*evil cat (Mark) screeches and chases a Kevin mouse**cat knocks over bucket*

Cinderella: NO! THAT DARN CAT! YOU EVIL THING! You leave that poor mouse alone! *picks up the hissing cat and puts it outside**looks at the pool of water* *sighs* *begins to scrub the floor*

A HALF HOUR LATER:

*Anastasia and Drizella leave the music room giggling and gossiping*

Anastasia: Wait-

Drizella: What?

Anastasia: Listen. Do you hear that? Tell me you don’t hear that!

*both listen silently as Cinderella sings a beautiful melody in the distance; as if she has had years of practice before her*

Anastasia: It’s little Cinderelly trying to sing! Haha how pathetic. Well, I’m off to my room. I don’t know about you, but I’m planning on mastering Claire de Lune. *swiftly turns around singing Claire de Lune in a strained manor*

Drizella: *still listening, hypnotized by Cinderella’s tune* She’s just so...perfect. *follows the sound of her song* *spots Cinderella cleaning* *hides behind the pillar* *blushes and gets butterflies in her stomach*  
[Inner thoughts]: What if she sees me? Oh that would be so bad! What would I say?? … I feel like an idiot. I- I can’t...l- love...her, can I? That would be wrong... She’s my stepsister I can’t love her...at least not like that. Oh god, but she’s so kind and pretty and oh my god just listen to her sing! And her eyes are so...blue. And her skin looks so...so soft… Oh god no no no I need to talk to a shrink about this!! *getting ready to rush away* 

Anastasia: What are you doing?

Drizella: AAAH! 

Cinderella: *goes silent* *looks up from cleaning*

Drizella: *face turns bright red* NOTHING!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? *turns to Cinderella* WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? FREAK!! *runs away*

Anastasia: I’m telling you, I think she’s scared of you. 

Cinderella: *looks utterly confused*

Anastasia: I wouldn’t know why though. You’re such a peasant! *snickers* *walks off*

Cinderella: *rolls her eyes and goes back to cleaning* *packs up cleaning equipment* Well, I guess it’s time to get ready for the ball. *slips the invitation from the counter into her shirt*

Stepmother: GIRLS!! FOR GOODNESS SAKE YOU SHOULD BE READY BY NOW! PUT ON YOUR BEST DRESSES! PILE ON THE MAKEUP! I WANT ONE OF MY DAUGHTERS COMING HOME A PRINCESS!

Cinderella: *eyeing her new dress in the attic room* *slips it on* *scratches off some of the gold ink from the invitation and applies it as eyeshadow* *paints on a coat of pink lipstick* *makes her way down the stairs* *walks past Stepmother and the stepsisters* *their bickering turns into silence*

Stepmother: What on EARTH do you think you’re doing? Where did you get that dress??

Cinderella: I- I-

Stepmother: Do you actually think you’re going to the ball??

Anastasia: *giggles*

Drizella: *looks concerned*

Cinderella: *quietly* I thought...every girl in town was invited to the ball. 

Stepmother: Hahaha not you, young lady! You have far too many responsibilities to take care of. You don’t have time to attend a ball.

Anastasia: And that dress makes you look like a whore!

Stepmother: Sush, Anastasia!! And darling, Cinderella, even if you could go, that dress makes you look like a whore. It just wouldn’t be right. 

Cinderella: *eyes fill with tears* *dramatically runs outside*

*Anastasia & Drizella follow*

Anastasia: *giggling*

Drizella: *pretending to laugh* *crying inside*

Anastasia: HEY CINDERELLA! 

Cinderella: *crouched under a tree* Please, just leave me alone!

Anastasia: No I’ve been meaning to have a little talk with you! *pushes her* I wanted to ask you something: do you really think you’re better than us? Because lately, unless my eyes deceive me, I think I’ve been witnessing a new, assertive Cinderelly try to show off! First off, you’ve started talking back to mother! Secondly, you keep singing our songs like you wrote them or something! And don’t let me forget how you put on makeup and do your hair every morning and flaunt yourself like you’re some hotshot. And now the dress? Where did you even get something like that?? I bet you stole it! I just wanted to give you a little reality check and remind you that you’ll always just be a little servant girl. OUR servant girl. We own you, bitch!! Get up! 

Cinderella: *shaking with anger* Anastasia… Have you ever stopped to think that maybe, you might just be jealous of me?

Anastasia: Excuse me?? Why would I be jealous of some girl who scrubs floors all day? Drizella! Aren’t you going to stand up for me?

Drizella: *at a loss for words* *shrugs*

Anastasia: Fine. I don’t need any help! I guess I’ll teach you a lesson for talking back to your master! *picks up a nearby bucket of water and dumps it on Cinderella* *rips off a sleeve of the shirt* DRIZELLA I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON’T BACK ME UP ON THIS…

Drizella: [inner thoughts]: I don’t want to. I don’t want to. But if I don’t, Anastasia will know my secret and make my life a living hell. *gulps* *evil expression takes over* *helps tear the dress apart*

Cinderella: *gets a strong grip Anastasia’s hair and holds her head back* 

Anastasia: *screams of pain* 

Cinderella: *punches Anastasia in the nose*

Drizella: *look of fear and surprise* Oh sweet Jesus! 

Anastasia: *nose gushing blood* YOU BITCH!! I’M TELLING MOTHER, AND SHE’S GOING TO MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN! *runs off*

Drizella: *still staring at Cinderella* *begins walking away with Anastasia* *filled with self hatred*

Cinderella: *stares at her hands* *there is blood* [inner thoughts]: I’ve finally done it. I have snapped. *sits back down* And now I wait for the punishment that lies ahead of me… 

EVENING:

Narrator: Cinderella sat, locked in the dusty, cobweb infested shed by the Evil Stepmother. She could still see the three sinister faces peeking in the window, although Drizella’s face held an odd expression of...could it be guilt? She could still hear her Stepmother’s words:

Stepmother: Maybe a night in the shed will teach you how to be a good girl!

Cinderella: *crying* *looking out the window to the stars* Maybe, someday I’ll find my prince, and together, we can run away from here… *puts her hand to the window*

*a shadow pops up and obscures her view* *Cinderella screams*

Entity: Do not fear! It is I! *a bright flash of light takes over the shed, and suddenly, Cinderella is outside*

Cinderella: *looks at her surroundings, flabbergasted* What just happened? Who are you?? *looks up to see a man in a puffy blue dress and tiara, holding a wand with a yellow star on the end of it*

Entity (literally just Scott in a dress): Why, I’m your GAY fairy godmother! 

Cinderella: My...gay fairy godmother?

Scott: Yes! Everyone has one, you know. *gives a cheeky smile and a wink* Tell me, Cinderella, do you know why I’m here? 

Cinderella: Why...no, actually. 

Scott: Well I’ll tell you; I’m here to help you out of this mess! More specifically, out of that dress. Oh, honey have I got a treat for you.

Cinderella: Huh..?

Scott: *waves his magic wand and yells SHOOTERRRRZ! * *lots of sparkles* *Cinderella’s destroyed dress evaporates and is replaced by something new~* *a robust silver dress with sparkling trees illustrated on the skirt* *complete with a glass tiara and glass heels* *a sapphire necklace around her neck* *Daverella looks like a snow queen*

Cinderella: *takes it all in* Oh my goodness! Thank you, Fairy Godmother! Why are you doing all this for me?

Scott: Aw, shoot. *another wink* It’s my pleasure, Cinderella… As for why I’m helping you, well, simply put, I think you deserve a little bump up in society. You may have been a little servant girl for all these years, but honey; your time is NOW~ I sought you out because your soul is pure. It really got me thinkin’: Why is a fierce little lady like you slaving away for her nasty stepmama and sisters during her prime?? It’s blasphemy! So I thought I’d step in and send you a little good fortune… Be prepared for your fancy free new lifestyle! Become the sweetest little sugar baby in the land!~ And more importantly, experience your true loooove. 

Cinderella: Wow! Are you serious? That’s amazing! Who knew I’d meet my guardian angel in just the knick of time… I really appreciate all you’re doing for me. How can I thank you??

Scott: No need to thank me, sister. I did this to treat myself! I just love a little justice now and then… Now you better get yourself off to the ball and meet your prince!

Cinderella: *smile beams* I will! I will! *begins to run off* Thank you! Thank you! And thank you again! 

Scott: Oh wait!! Before you go, remember: The spell wears off at midnight, so you better pay attention to the time and scoot before you’re back in rags! 

Cinderella: Yeah that’s pretty fuckin’ important, thanks! *continues to run*

Scott: *to himself* So sweet. So naive, but so sweet. *pause* *moment of anxiety* Ooooo I probably should have mentioned her true love isn’t really the prince. Oh no she probably thinks she’s getting a real prince! *dramatically bites nails* I hope this goes well or else my job is on the line… 

AT THE BALL:

Narrator: Cinderella held her breath as she slowly opened the castle doors. The ballroom was golden and sparkling, with countless couples dancing the night away. But Cinderella gasped when she spotted her dreadful step sisters, and backed out the door, bumping into a gentleman making his way in.

Man: Oh, pardon me, miss!

Cinderella: *looks up at the man* I’m sorry…

Man: *stunned* *has never seen such a pretty pretty lady* *mutters* Are...you an angel?

Cinderella: Sorry?

Man: Allow me to get the door! *holds open the door*

Cinderella: Oh, why, thank you! *smile is like a ray of holy light*

Man: *heart beats faster* Not a problem, madam. 

Cinderella: *gracefully steps into room as if wading into a pool of water* [Inner thoughts]: I hope they don’t recognize me…

*Heavenly music plays* *it sounds vast and haunting*

Man: You’ve arrived just in time for the Prince! I bet, I just bet he’ll ask to take your hand in marriage. 

Cinderella: *feels stunned* You can’t be serious!

Man: *creepy smiles* [Inner thoughts]: You bet I am, you sweet, sweet peice of ass.

*doors slam open as opposed to closed* *It’s the Prince! Or so it looks* *white suit* *2 armoured bodyguards at his sides* *crowd stops dancing* *gasps*

Cinderella: *whispers* Prince Charming… 

Bodyguard 1: INTRODUCING, PRINCE RUPERT CHARMING OF NASHVILLE! 

Narrator: (Little known fact, Nashville was a micro country in medieval Europe, located in modern day Lithuania) 

Bodyguard: PLEASE, HOLD YOUR APPLAUSE UNTIL PRINCE CHARMING HAS CHOSEN HIS DANCING PARTNER!

Prince: *scans the room with an air of confidence and mystery* *eyes fall on Cinderella* *holds out his hand to her*

Cinderella: *mouth agape* *eyes wide and full of wonder*

Prince: Care to dance?

Cinderella: *smiles* Why, I’d be honored… 

*Their hands embrace with an almost electric feeling* *Cinderella’s breath is taken away as he pulls her to the middle of the dancefloor* *The crowd stares in awe, then slowly resumes dancing around the couple* *the Evil Stepmother and Stepsisters spot her with the prince*

Stepmother: *bitterly* That was supposed to be one of you up there!

Anastasia: Is that…

Drizella: [inner thoughts]: When should I just buckle down and tell my family I like girls?? *feels anxious* *sweats a bit*

Anastasia: ...Cinderella?

Drizella: What??

Anastasia: Nevermind… It can’t be. 

Drizella: *looks closer* *realizes it is Cinderella* *heart rate quickens* *feels more anxious* *wants to cry because that should be her dancing with Cinderella, but holds it in* *pretends not to notice Cinderella is in the building*

MEANWHILE, DANCING~:

Prince: So, what’s your name?

Cinderella: *feels shy* People call me Cinderella, but my real name is Elle.

Prince: Can I tell you something?

Cinderella: Of course.

Prince: Not to be forward, but you are very beautiful. 

Cinderella: *blushes* No one has ever…told me that before…

Prince: I don’t believe that. What, have you been living in someone’s attic all your life?

Cinderella: Yes, actually. 

Prince: What?

Cinderella: *talks wistfully* I’ve been kept captive in an attic my whole life; serving my stepsisters’ and stepmother’s every whim. I talk to the mice in the walls. Are they real? I don’t know… ... *lengthy pause* *looks into the distance* *snaps back to reality* This is my first night out since I was a little girl.

Prince: … You don’t say. Ha ha you have a good sense of humor.

Cinderella: *looks offended* Why would I joke about something like that?

Prince: . . . Uhh hell if I know! Well hey, I was gonna keep this on the downlow, but now that I know you’re weird, I’ll just go ahead and say it: *whispers* Don’t panic, but something strange is going to happen very soon. 

Cinderella: What do you mean?

Prince: Don’t worry. I’ll protect you. Just follow my lead. *dancing closer to a door where only staff is allowed* *motions to bodyguard 1*

Bodyguard 1: *motions to bodyguard 2*

Bodyguard 2: *gives a thumbs up* *both guards throw 4 mysterious spheres onto the dancefloor* 

*thick fog disperses from the spheres* *crowd panics* *the Prince scoops up Cinderella and kicks open the door to the staff room* *sets Cinderella down in the room*

Cinderella: *sits up* Rupert, what’s going on??

Prince: Elle, may I call you Elle? I have a little secret. *distressed* *hands grab hair* *paces* I- I… I’m not Prince Rupert!

Cinderella: WHAT?? Well then who are you??

Prince: My name’s Ed! Ed Eddington. I want to be honest with you! You seem really neat, so please! Please, I’m begging you, hear me out!

Cinderella: *doesn’t know what to do so decides to listen* *nods*

Ed: The real Prince Rupert is a tyrant, man! I happen to, uhh, look a bit like him, so I posed as him after I escaped from prison-death row-to--

Cinderella: DEATH ROW??

Ed: HEAR ME OUT!! The real Prince Rupert is being taken care of by a few of my buddies… 

Cinderella: *backing away*

Ed: *walking closer* *ranting* See, Rupert’s this spoiled power hungry rich kid, and well, since you say you’ve been stuck in an attic all these years, it would make sense that you wouldn’t know that he’s been going on a spree of murderous rage! He thinks he’s doing a public service by mistreating the poor... He- he killed my brother! And ever since that day, I swore, I’d be the person responsible for OFFING HIM. (Or, y’know, at least take part in it). So my buddies and I, we’ve created a master plan to take him out and RESTORE JUSTICE TO THE LAND! TAKE FROM THE RICH! GIVE TO THE POOR! NO MORE KILLING! ONLY PEACE! And um, speaking of my buddies, they’re getting the crowd riled up to do a bit of an extra job… Treasure hunting heh heh.. We’re kinda low on quid.

Cinderella: *fear* *heading for the exit door* *looks at the time* *11:58* *yikes* *eyes fill with tears* *rushes to escape*

Ed: *runs after her* You think I’m crazy… I know you think I’m crazy!! But just in case this is the last time I’ll ever see you, I want you to know: dancing with you was an honor. I’m sorry I couldn’t be your prince! You are a goddess on earth, and I’d be honored to travel around the world with you by my side… *falls to the floor in agony*

Cinderella: I have to go! *shoe falls off* *runs into the night*

Ed: *emotional hell* *sees her sparkling shoe* *picks it up* *mesmerized by the fact that it’s glass* Was she a ghost? I’ll...never see her again. She’s scared of me… But, I’d never hurt a glass butterfly like her. What has possessed me? What spell has that maiden put on me?? 

Cinderella: *crying* *running home* *dress slowly turns back into rags* WHAT WAS THAT?? MY GAY FAIRY GODMOTHER LIED TO ME!! *moans of turmoil*

SOME CRYING TIME LATER:

Drizella: *approaching slowly in the distance*

Cinderella: *shuts up* *can’t bear to deal with more negative emotions*

Drizella: *slowly walking* *looks super tired and done* Don’t worry… I’m too out of it to make you miserable. 

Cinderella: *sniff* Where is everybody else?

Drizella: I lost them in the chaos thank god.

Cinderella: Oh *sniff* are they okay?

Drizella: I dunno. I don’t care. I’m going to bed. *hand on door handle* *pauses* [inner thoughts]: Tell her she’s pretty tell her she’s pretty. Hey, Cinderella. You were really… 

Cinderella: … Really what?

Drizella: *gets dizzy* Nothing. I’m going to bed. [inner thoughts]: YOU FUCKED IT UP! *beats head on the door* *walks slowly to room* *collapses on bed and goes to sleep*

Cinderella: I better go to my room and pretend to sleep just in case they think they saw me… *changes* *gets into bed*[inner thoughts]: My life is pretty miserable, isn’t it? Day in and day out I slave away for my “family”. Mommy: the devil incarnate, oldest sister: perpetually on her period, and the middle child: I think she wants to do me…? Maybe I’m thinking too much into that one…  
What would have truly happened if I stayed with Ed? It’s not like my life would be worse either way. He seemed to even like me. I have no excitement in my life… Maybe staying with Ed wouldn’t have been so bad. Maybe it would have been fun. *begins to cry* And I ran away from him! He said he wanted to travel the world with me! He said I was beautiful! And I ran away! I panicked! How stupid can I be?? And now I’ll be in this hell, waiting on these psychos for eternity…

Stepmother: You both are disappointments. WHERE IS DRIZELLA?

Anastasia: I’ll go find her. *opens her door* Drizella!

Drizella: *startled awake* HM??

Anastasia: Do you think… there’s a possibility that Cinderella was dancing with the prince?

Drizella: That wasn’t the prince. That was an imposter. Didn’t you hear everyone screaming about it?

Anastasia: No, because I was too busy trying to figure out if that was Cinderella!!

Drizella: That’s not possible… 

Anastasia: I wonder where she is anyway… *runs upstairs* *opens Cinderella’s door* *sees her sleeping* *returns to Drizella* You’re right. She’s in her room. God, it really looked like her though!! 

Drizella: Can you just shut up and go to bed?

Anastasia: *holds pillow over Drizella’s face* Can you shut up and die?

Drizella: *squirms* *whines*

Anastasia: *throws pillow across the room*

Drizella: Bitch!

Anastasia: Whore!

Drizella: MAN HANDS!

Anastasia: Hey, this is getting personal!

THE NEXT MORNING:

Cinderella: *depressed* *whines* *slowly gets ready and goes downstairs*

Stepsisters: *eating breakfast*

Stepmother: Cinderella, you have a long list of chores to do today. First: ~~~~~

Cinderella: *zones out* 

Stepmother: ...and milk the cow!

Cinderella: [inner thoughts]: I like the cow. I’ll go milk the cow now… *gets up* *heads to the barn* Another sad, dull day ahead of me… … *listens to the sound of a motor in the distance* 

*A motorcycle races down the road and is headed straight for the mansion* *A very tall sturdy looking man cocooned in a thick cape and wearing sunglasses gets off and knocks on the door* *Stepmother answers*

Motorcycle dude: *gravelly weird voice* Hello, I found this shoe *holds up the glass heel* and have been driving from house to house trying to find the owner. She is very beautiful with blonde hair and blue eyes.

Stepmother: No one here except my two daughters and I. Would you like to see them?

Motorcycle dude: Only to see if one of them is the rightful owner.

Stepmother: GIRLS!!

Stepsisters: *come running* *poses*

Motorcycle dude: Nope.

Stepmother: What do you mean “nope”??

Motorcycle: I’m afraid that’s the first word that came to mind. I better go.

Stepmother: Yeah you better!!

Motorcycle dude: *pauses* [inner thoughts]: A dreadful stepmother and two dreadful stepsisters… hmmm

Cinderella: *cranes her neck to see what’s going on* *accidentally knocks over the bucket*

Motorcycle dude: *turns around, reacting to the noise* *stunned* Can it be..? *walks closer*

Cinderella: *feels scared* 

Motorcycle dude: *voice change to normal* *talks quietly* It’s okay, I won’t hurt you. Is this your shoe? *holds out sparkling glass slipper*

Cinderella: *smiles* *whispers* Ed!

Motorcycle dude: *takes off glasses and intense cape covering his head* Yes, it’s me!

*they hug*

Cinderella: I’m sorry I ran away! 

Ed: I only blame myself. Sometimes I get so caught up in fighting the good fight, I don’t realize how raving I might sound.

Cinderella: It’s okay! I want to spend the rest of my life with you; running from the law in your loving embrace! I don’t want to waste my time here any longer! Oh, Ed, my prince, I’ve dreamed of this day. *slumps backwards in his arms, putting her hand to her forehead* All this emotion has got me so hot! Take me now, Eddy! Take me there!

Ed: There will be time for that later! Quick! We must escape before your family finds out. Get on the back of my motorcycle! 

[Narrator: Please, don’t question why there is a motorcycle in this ancient land. In fact, don’t question the time period of the story at all. It is disrespectful.] 

Ed: *applies shades* Let’s go evade the law!

Cinderella: *arms around Ed’s shoulders* 

Ed: *turns around slightly*

Cinderella: *clutches his face and goes in for a lengthy kiss*

Ed: *lipstick smudge* *revs engine* Let’s ride!

Cinderella: THANK YOU, FAIRY SCOTT MOTHER!!!

Scott: *looking down from the clouds* *has been eating popcorn, watching all the drama go down* Oh, you’re welcome sweetie! I’m glad this worked out! I picked a keeper for you, that’s for sure… Wow I got results and a show?? The bosses will be impressed. I’m gonna be an icon by morning! Ah ha ha~

Drizella: *sees Cinderella riding away on a motorcycle* *feels a pit in her stomach like a void* [inner thoughts]: Let her go. Pretend you didn’t see her. Lie when they ask you questions. After all these years of being a coward and not standing up for her, let her go. She deserves happiness. I’m just sad I couldn’t be the one to give it to her. 

Anastasia: What’s up with you?

 

Drizella: Nothing. I’m going to take a nap and pretend I’m in a coffin… 

Anastasia: Jeez. Hey where’s Cinderella?

Drizella: Hell if I know. *rolls into a thick blanket* *lays on back* *pretends to be dead*

Narrator: Cinderella and Ed fell deeply in love and went on a crime spree across what is now called Europe, stealing from the rich in order to give supplies to the poor. No one tried to stop them because they were so loved and feared. They lived happily ever after; living on the edge.

Prince Rupert was killed and the government of Nashville turned into Democracy. Barack Obama was their first president, who went on to enjoy another 4 terms before retiring.

-THE END-

 

Epilogue:

Later that day… Drizella’s dream:

Narrator: While in the death cocoon, wallowing in sadness, Drizella found herself drifting off to sleep. During her slumber, she had a peculiar dream. It was just Cinderella standing on a sparkling, tranquil ocean, surrounded by falling blossoms. She was smiling, and she spoke softly:

I’m happy, Drizella. Be happy for me. I forgive you for your sins, so do not feel guilty. It’s okay that our relationship didn’t work out. In fact, it’s for the best. There are other fish in the sea. Follow your heart, dear girl, and never forget me~

Narrator: Cinderella stepped closer, and Drizella found herself overcome with sudden confidence. With this new emotion, she held her head high and pulled Cinderella in for a kiss. Cinderella relaxed in her arms. When they let go, Cinderella’s gaze was dreamy. 

Drizella: Thank you, Elle. I don’t deserve this.

Narrator: Then, like the apparition she was, she walked across the water, not unlike Jesus. And when Drizella woke, she felt a sense of calm and closure.

Drizella: *smiles*

Anastasia: What are you so happy about?

Drizella: Eh, just the little things.

Anastasia: Hey, where’s Cinderella?

Drizella: . . .


End file.
